The Birth Plan Mistakes I See Most Often as a Midwife

I love birth plans.

Really, I do.

Not because I expect labor to unfold exactly as written, but because birth plans tell me what matters most to my patients.

They tell me their hopes.

Their fears.

Their priorities.

Their vision for birth.

But after years of caring for women through labor and delivery, I've noticed something that breaks my heart.

Sometimes a birth plan becomes so important that a woman starts measuring her success as a mother by whether birth went according to plan.

And that was never what a birth plan was meant to do.

The Birth Plan Is Not the Goal

One of the hardest conversations I have after birth is with women who believe they failed.

Not because their baby was harmed.

Not because they made poor decisions.

Not because they weren't strong.

But because their birth didn't unfold the way they had imagined.

I've sat with women who labored for hours.

Women who did everything they could to avoid a cesarean birth.

Women who pushed through exhaustion and uncertainty.

And when their baby's wellbeing required a cesarean birth, they made the ultimate sacrifice.

They put their own wishes aside and chose what was safest for their baby.

Yet afterward, some of these women looked at me and said:

"I feel like I failed."

Every time I hear those words, it breaks my heart.

Because the exact opposite is true.

You didn't fail.

You made a difficult decision based on the information available to you at the time.

You chose your baby over your birth preferences.

That's not failure.

That's motherhood.

In many ways, it's one of the very first examples of motherhood.

The Funny Thing About Birth Plans

After reviewing hundreds, maybe thousands, of birth plans over the years, I've noticed something interesting.

Many of them look remarkably similar.

The same wording.

The same requests.

The same formatting.

The same lists.

Sometimes I joke that if I shuffled ten birth plans together, I might have trouble figuring out which one belonged to which patient.

It's almost as if they're all coming from the same secret birth plan factory somewhere.

And honestly, they probably are.

A childbirth class.

Pinterest.

Instagram.

A Facebook group.

A friend.

A doula.

ChatGPT.

Somewhere along the way, many women end up with a birth plan that sounds impressive but doesn't necessarily reflect their own understanding.

And that's where problems can start.

The Question I Always Ask

One of the most common things I hear is:

"My doula helped me write my birth plan."

Wonderful.

I love when women are thinking about birth before labor starts.

But then we'll start reviewing the birth plan together.

And sometimes I'll ask:

"Tell me why this is important to you."

And the answer is:

"I'm not really sure."

Or:

"I read that it's better."

Or:

"My friend said I should."

Or my personal favorite:

"It was already on the template."

That last one always makes me smile.

Because if we're being honest, many women spend more time researching strollers than they do understanding some of the medical decisions on their birth plan.

Informed Decisions Matter

One thing that concerns me is when women have very strong feelings about accepting or declining something without fully understanding what it is.

For example, I occasionally see birth plans declining newborn vitamin K, vaccines, continuous monitoring, labor augmentation, or other interventions.

To be clear, I am not telling you what decisions to make.

My job is not to make those decisions for you.

My job is to make sure you understand them.

I want you to understand what vitamin K does.

What it prevents.

What the benefits are.

What the risks are.

What the alternatives are.

The same applies to epidurals, Pitocin, inductions, fetal monitoring, cesarean birth, and virtually every other decision that may come up during labor.

Because there is a huge difference between saying:

"I understand this and choose to decline it."

And saying:

"I saw it on a birth plan template."

One is informed decision making.

The other is outsourcing your decision making.

The Biggest Mistake I See

The biggest mistake I see isn't wanting an epidural.

It isn't wanting an unmedicated birth.

It isn't wanting an induction.

It isn't hoping for a vaginal delivery.

The biggest mistake I see is becoming so attached to a specific outcome that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

The goal isn't to have the perfect birth.

The goal is to have the healthiest mother and baby possible while helping you feel informed, respected, and supported along the way.

Babies don't read birth plans.

Trust me.

If they did, they would probably ignore them anyway.

Labor doesn't care about your carefully chosen font.

Birth doesn't know that you spent three weeks perfecting a color-coded document.

Birth has a way of humbling all of us.

Including midwives.

What Birth Has Taught Me

One of the most important lessons birth has taught me is that flexibility is not weakness.

It's wisdom.

The strongest women I've cared for weren't necessarily the women who got the birth they planned.

They were the women who adapted when things changed.

The women who gathered information.

Asked questions.

Made thoughtful decisions.

And kept moving forward.

Sometimes that meant getting the epidural they swore they didn't want.

Sometimes it meant delivering without the epidural they thought they needed.

Sometimes it meant an induction.

Sometimes it meant a cesarean birth.

What made them strong wasn't the outcome.

It was their ability to navigate uncertainty.

Birth Is Preparing You for Motherhood

This is why I'm so passionate about this topic.

Because these decisions don't just affect how women feel about birth.

They affect how women feel about themselves.

I've seen women carry guilt for years because they believed their birth experience reflected their worth as a mother.

I've seen women diminish their own strength because they focused on what didn't happen instead of everything they accomplished.

But here's what I want every mother to know:

Birth is one day.

Motherhood is a lifetime.

And motherhood is filled with decisions that don't always go according to plan.

You'll make decisions about feeding.

Sleep.

School.

Childcare.

Sports.

Discipline.

Safety.

Friendships.

And just like birth, you'll make the best decision you can with the information available at the time.

Sometimes things will go exactly as planned.

Sometimes they won't.

That doesn't mean you failed.

It means you're human.

And it means you're a mother.

What I Wish Every Birth Plan Included

If I could add one sentence to every birth plan, it would be this:

"I understand that birth is unpredictable, and I trust myself to make informed decisions if circumstances change."

Because that's the real purpose of a birth plan.

Not to control birth.

Not to guarantee an outcome.

Not to earn a badge of honor.

The purpose of a birth plan is to help you understand your options, communicate your preferences, and prepare for the unexpected.

The best birth plan isn't the longest one.

It isn't the prettiest one.

And it certainly isn't the one with the fanciest font.

The best birth plan is the one that reflects your values, your goals, and your understanding of the decisions you're making.

Because at the end of the day, your worth as a mother is not determined by whether your birth went according to plan.

It's determined by the love, courage, and sacrifices you make long after the birth is over.